The All-Con Experience

March 9, 2008 at 1:54 am (All-Con, Anime, Conventions)

I’m back, and I have stories!

Back from where, you ask? Why, All-Con, of course. Oh wait, I guess I should go into further detail. See, a “Con,” is a convention and–oh, you wanted more details on All-Con? My mistake. All-Con is a convention that, like many of its brethren, focuses on nerdy stuff. In the past, I’ve only attended anime cons, so this was, well, not really different at all, actually.

Generally, whenever I use the word “all,” I’m either referring to the entirety of a single thing, or the entirety of everything ever. The organizers of All-Con, on the other hand, decided that “all” simply refers to anime, videogames, podcasts, sci-fi, and desperate thrift store owners. Needless to say, pay attention next time you say “all.”

Upon arriving at the illustrious Crowne Plaza in North Dallas, I was immediately identified as Bob Dylan by a guy cosplaying as a camera man. Or at least, I assume he was cosplaying — you never know at these conventions. But yeah, he told me he was a fan of my music and went on his way. It’s really not all that surprising when members of my particular clique casually mention that I look like the brilliant(ly handsome) virtuoso; they regularly choose to spend time in the presence of my curly locks and unique facial features. But now that a complete stranger has identified me as such at a glance, it has to be true. If you ask nicely, I can probably sneak you into the Grammys 20 years ago.

After buying my admittance badge, I meandered about the convention. Before long, I spotted the dealers’ room. But as I strolled towards the dealers’ door, something else caught my eye: a Firefly/Serenity table. Whoo! They had, among other paraphernalia, Jayne’s trademark orange and yellow snow cap. My envy burned greener than the brightest of Grinches.  Apparently, this table represented the Austin Browncoats, a sort of fan/charity organization. I need to research it further before I reach a definitive conclusion on whether it’s amazing or merely great.

Not two steps away sat the dealers’ room. It was small and timid, unlike the larger dealers’ rooms of other cons. It’s sort like David and Goliath, only if the dealers’ rooms fought each other, I’m pretty sure the big one would win. This one still had heart, though, as well as a guy who, at the height of his acting career, played a Mon Calmari extra in one of the Star Wars flicks.

With the dealers’ room in my past, I stumbled upon a console gaming room. Now, this room was fatally flawed in that, so far as I could tell, all consoles were supplied by their owners — not the convention. The result? No one ever let anyone else have a turn. Why these guys didn’t opt to stay at home, I have no idea. On top of this mountain of lethargy lazed a champion: The Guitar Hero Kid. When I first noticed him, he was nailing nine out of every 10 notes on “Through the Fire and the Flames” — on expert. He couldn’t have been more than 12 years old, but he seemed to be channeling the skills of a grizzled plastic-guitar veteran. Here’s the oddest part, though: after the awe wore-off, my mind said, “That kid needs to get a hobby.” Me, the guy who lives, breathes, and writes about videogames, wanted this kid to forsake gaming! Am I getting old? No, I was just jealous.

Moments later, my phone buzzed and I learned the location of some friends I had come to the convention to meet. My motivations revealed! Plot twist! Anyway, they were viewing an AMV competition. AMV stands for “Anime Music Video” and competition stands for “roughly two hours of time.” But length wouldn’t have been an issue if the videos were good. On that front, however, no dice. Most videos were either predictably cut-together action scenes or overwrought drama clip collections — in those cases, the characters weren’t the only ones who were crying. So I sat and occasionally conversated with my friends in a dark, plain room. It wasn’t so bad, though, and afterwards, I met Jayne.

Well, not the Jayne, but a Jayne. And this guy was good, too; he had the shirt, the hat, and even the gun. In other cosplay news, I saw a guy who I thought to be the Grand Intergalactic Inquisitor from Venture Bros. After loudly proclaiming him so, I found out that he was some obscure Star Wars character. It was slightly embarrassing, but in my defense, I didn’t like his face.

 It’s the chick from Portal! With cake! Take that, Internet!

Luckily, a chance to reclaim my dignity soon presented itself. See, I’ve been speaking of my friends anonymously on purpose. I played against a good friend in Wii Sports, and let’s just call my victory a “thrashing.” As such, no names have been used in order to protect the innocent. Although my ring rust showed in bowling (I still won), my golfing and baseball skills are second to none. So c’mon Tiger Woods and Whoever’s Good at Baseball These Days, let’s play a game. On my court. Word.    

It’s Jayne! Sadly, there was no cake involved.

This man is a member of the 501st Legion. And behind him? A normal person being obscured by camera blur. What’d you think I was gonna say? A Jedi knight using Force speed to get behind the trooper and silently execute him? That’s crazy.