Vahn16’s Weblog

Time for another look inside the world of amateur game-reviewing — this time through the lens of a review of a game about Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney. And now that you’ve waded through a sea of prepositions, enjoy the show.

Oh, This week, I’m going to try streamlining the format somewhat. Essentially, it’ll be in the same order as the review itself, but with a little twist. Tell me if you like it.

10:07 PM: As soon as I happened upon my review’s published form, I noticed something was amiss. After much analysis, I confirmed what I already knew to be the truth before the analysis: my intro paragraph had been altered. First, the Worthplaying version:

“Given some of Capcom’s long-standing franchises — Breath of Fire, Devil May Cry, Mega Man, Onimusha and Resident Evil — one could say that Capcom likes its sequels. Sometimes, as with Resident Evil 4, Capcom graces us with a radical step forward that not only serves the series well but also advances the genre as a whole. Not every fourth game can be RE4, but Devil May Cry 4 is dumb, action-packed fun that definitely hearkens back to the DMCs of yore, only with a new cast of characters and an emotionally fueled story. That’s essentially what you’re getting with Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney: Apollo and company take Phoenix’s spotlight, just as Nero did Dante. Fortunately, just as Nero was a worthy successor to Dante’s wild legacy, Apollo is a fine addition to the now-legendary Wright & Co. Law Office. Too bad it’s not exactly what Apollo was expecting ….”

And here’s its long-standing rival, my original version:

Mega Man, Resident Evil, Devil May Cry, Breath of Fire, and Onimusha – if you think I’m listing excellent Capcom series, you’re only half-right. Each of those franchises has another, somewhat obscure commonality when matched with its brethren: the number four. See, Capcom likes its sequels, and could even be accused of succumbing to sequelitis, but only up to a point. That point tends to be the fourth sequel in a series; Capcom then re-invents said series with surprisingly consistent quality. Beyond that, however, these “oddball” sequels are all over the place. Sometimes, Capcom graces us with a radical step forward for not only their series, but for a whole genre – ala Resident Evil 4. Sadly, not every (fourth) game can be RE4, but hey, Devil May Cry 4 is dumb, action-packed fun, right? And it definitely harkens back to the DMCs of yore, but with a new cast of characters and an emotionally-fueled story. With Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, that’s essentially what you’re getting; Apollo and company take Phoenix’s spotlight, just as Nero did Dante. Fortunately, just as Nero was a worthy successor to Dante’s wild legacy, Apollo is a fine addition to the now-legendary Wright & Co. Law Office. Too bad it’s not exactly what Apollo was expecting…

The WP version is obviously streamlined, but once you hit the “Not every fourth” line, things get a little messy. In my opinion, without all my talk of fours, that line seems abrupt and unexpected. If “Not every fourth” was changed to “Not every sequel,” it would be better, but I actually like my original here. Surprise, surprise.

Friday, March 7, 11:08 PM: It seems I’m slowly descending into review reviewing madness, and it’s causing a flashback. See, when I first began to contemplate this review, I wanted to do something different. Quite frankly, the traditional review format is boring — each time I write a review about “graphics, gameplay, story, etc,” it’s like I’m constructing a new sand castle with the same bucket I used on all the other sand castles. Sure, the castle can have its own arrangement and size, but eventually, all of the castles begin to look the same. Thus, I fooled with the idea of adding a little New Games Journalism to the sand and water in the form of a “Capcom Meter”. The plan was to judge each aspect of the game in comparison with Capcom’s other fourth iterations in certain series. After realizing how redundant — and pointless — that idea was, I converted my giant-brained thoughts on the subject into the DMC4-Apollo Justice comparison now present in the intro.

10:140/4: “After an opening court case that will have you sweating, thanks to the story revelations and unusually high difficulty level, Apollo becomes the official defense attorney of Wright & Co. Yep, Phoenix Wright is no longer a lawyer. Like any good detective story, Apollo dangles juicy info about why Phoenix abandoned his calling right in front of you, but snatches it away just before the moment of revelation. Luckily, you’ll be far too wrapped up in the stories of ramen peddlers who wear their merchandise, socially responsible Yakuza families, and prosecutors who are literally rock stars (Who needs dramatic finger-pointing when you have an air guitar?) to be infuriated.”

This slice of paragraph two presents a few issues. First of all, in my original, I called Wright & Co. “Wright & Co. Anything Agency.” This is because that’s what it’s called in the game. Since Phoenix hung up his brightly colored tights trademark blue suit, his daughter took over the law firm and turned it into a talent agency — thus, “Anything.”

Second, my penchant for (sometimes overwrought) descriptive language went unappreciated. Look at this portion of the original and you’ll see what I mean:

“And like any good detective story, Apollo dangles juicy info about why Phoenix abandoned his calling right in front of your nose, but snatches it away just as you reach the edge of the figurative treadmill. Luckily, you’ll be far too wrapped-up in the stories of ramen peddlers who wear their merchandise, socially responsible Yakuza families, and prosecutors who are literally rock stars (who needs dramatic finger-pointing when you have an air guitar?) to be infuriated when the game yanks the steak right out of your mouth.”

I miss my steak analogy.

“12:00″ –The VCR: I’m glad WP kept my movie-textbook analogy, but in the planning stages, it looked something like this:

“Because court battles are the post-op ice cream to investigations’ tonsillectomy – in other words, court battles are infinitely more enjoyable than investigations.”

I was going for the idea that court cases are the fun part after the “pain” of an investigation. Then I realized it didn’t make much sense and also exaggerated a fairly minor issue, so I shelved it.

Stardate: Omnivorous Tangerine: In the original version, I sort of took a rage dump on the investigation scenes with this line: “Good job, now go back to the scene of the crime and pray that something happens; if not, turn off the game and get some sun.” I’m glad it was removed, as the investigation scenes really aren’t so devious that you’d want to expose your pristine skin to the sun’s harsh rays. Remember kids, Vitamin D comes from both sunlight and supplements, but instant, unprovoked skin cancer only comes from one of the two. Can you guess which?   

?????????????????: I heaped ample praise on the court cases, but I’m not completely satisfied with that section. Really, the court cases are brain-teasers, and thus, I wanted to compare them to brain-training games, which flow from DS developers like bad one-liners from a tired writer. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t make it fit, so I opted against the comparison altogether. And while I’m glad that I emphasized the pacing of Apollo’s court battles, I failed to mention Apollo’s ability to “perceive” when his opponents are lying. It’s a minor feature in the grand scheme of things, but it’s new to Apollo Justice, so potential buyers have a right to know about it.

Epilogue: I approve of this review more than I initially thought I would. During its construction phases, I was feeling sort of down on my writing ability, so my prose lacked its normal spark. The review still turned-out well, however, so all is well. Additionally, WP’s edits were extremely light and, for the most part, they improved my review. Two thumbs-up.  

To spare you the leg-work, here’s a link to the review in question. So grab some popcorn, turn down the lights, and get ready for the first installment of Director’s Commentary!

Out-takes

1. At first, I was at a loss as to where to go with the intro paragraph. My only thoughts were “mini-games” and “pink.” Eventually, as those thoughts swirled about in the cavernous chambers of my mind, I decided to try a two-fold rationalization of mini-games’ existence in general. After roughly 30 minutes of intensely silent writer’s block and a little progress, my fatigued brain spat out this little number:

“Foremost, with the advent of the DS and Wii, the same soccer moms and un-ambitious office workers who’d sink a few minutes into Cake Mania, Bejeweled, and, er, Super Granny 3 began to invest in actual gaming hardware, as they were no longer content with what a midrange PC or the aforementioned toaster [Keep reading, you’ll get this joke soon –Nathan] could provide them. These people, who now make-up a large portion of the Nintendo DS’ audience, were used to simple, straightforward gaming experiences; hardcore, gamers’ games wouldn’t do. But tossing a single five-minute-long game onto a $30.00 cart would surely cause outrage in even the most uninitiated gamers, so instead, developers decided to cram tens, or even hundreds, of mini-games onto a single cart. Thus, the mini-game collection came into prominence.”

Problem: That paragraph’s really long…and irrelevant…and rambling…and, well, you get the idea.

2. I so greatly wanted to elaborate on Mama’s character, but such a section just didn’t fit in with the other kids on CM2 review playground. Even so, Mama is quite astounding! See, she only speaks about three lines of dialogue, but she uses this endearing, old-Japanese woman accent; granted, she appears to be in her mid-20’s, but becoming a cartoon will do that to you. Anyway, for all intents and purposes, she carries the game! As I said in the review, she constantly encourages you through each challenge, pushing you just hard enough that you don’t get frustrated. And besides, how can you get angry when Mama’s sparkly-eyed grin is peering straight into the depths of your soul?

How can you get angry at that? Answer: only if you’re a gamer. We cause all of society’s ills

3. I was actually going to use a few more cooking puns, like “All is not peachy in the world of CM2,” but I decided against it. You’re probably thanking your respective god or gods right now.

Miscellaneous comments

1. Yes, the “and who can resist the allure of a mystery package” line is a Family Guy reference. I couldn’t help myself.

2. In decorating Mama’s kitchen, I tried to make it as depressing as possible, just to undermine the game’s aesthetic. It’s impossible. Cutesiness pervades the experience no matter what. And besides, gray drawers clash terribly with pink curtains. Yuck.

Edited for the more sensitive viewers in the audience: deleted scenes

(The words, phrases, and mind-searing mental images discussed herein were removed after I submitted the review)

1. My original intro sentence went like this: “Mini-game collections are to the Nintendo DS as toast is to a toaster; these days, it seems as though the handheld was crafted for the sole purpose of playing – but thankfully not toasting – bite-sized gameplay experiences.” In retrospect, I suppose the toast line was kind of dumb, so I guess I’m glad it was removed.

2. “But unless you telecommute, etc,” while still a good line, was meant to be “but unless you commute in your closet.” Draw your own conclusions.

3. “Thus, Iron Chefs can opt to go for a gold medal (a near-perfect execution of the recipe), while mere mortals can aim for bronze” originally went “Thus, Iron Chefs can opt to go for a gold medal (a near-perfect execution of the recipe), while mere mortals can aim for bronze (‘Mama will fi…oh my’).” See, it tied-in with Mama’s quote from earlier in the paragraph. I found it amusing, but then, not all of my jokes amuse other people, unfortunately.

4. Now, the next edit kind of changed my meaning in regards to how I felt about the game’s pacing. In my opinion, it doesn’t make quite as much sense in its edited form. Since the changes are fairly prevalent, I’m going to post the paragraph twice: first in its published form, then in its uncut, un-rated form.

“Difficulty isn’t the only area in which CM2 carves out its own little niche; pacing treads a fine line as well. Given the length and array of puzzles that one must complete, CM2 could be classified as a minigame collection, which typically fall into one of two categories: long (Rayman: Raving Rabbids) or short (Warioware). Like many great chefs, CM2 doesn’t stay with established conventions and blazes its own trail by representing the best of both worlds. What it ends up with, then, is a bunch of Warioware-style microgames that allows budding chefs all the time they need between each step in a recipe. Realistic? No. Relaxing? Yes. Frantic? Most definitely.”

VS.

“Difficulty isn’t the only area in which CM2 carves out its own little niche – pacing treads a fine line as well. But instead of keeping with genre conventions, CM2 opts to blaze its own trail. See, mini-game collections typically fall into one of two categories: long (think Rayman: Raving Rabbids on the Wii) or short (think Warioware). CM2, like many great chefs, takes a little from each side and tosses the resulting concoction into a blender. What it ends up with, then, is a bunch of Warioware-style microgames in the framework of a long-form mini-game collection. That is to say, instead of rapidly moving from one microgame to the next, CM2 allows budding chefs all the time they need in-between each step in a recipe. Realistic? No. Relaxing? Yes. But is it frantic? Also yes. CM2 represents the best of both worlds.”

5. This line came out kind of awkwardly, but it’s mostly my fault: “You’ll find yourself dejectedly wondering why the spoon wouldn’t budge, even though your stylus was resting right on top of the stirring spoon.” Even in its original wording, it was pretty bad. Is this an improvement? Not really. But then, outside of removing the line completely, there wasn’t much of a way to improve it.

6. The review’s final sentence ended with “but don’t take it outside” as a sort of tie-in with my opening about CM2’s less-than-masculine aesthetics. I miss that ending, as the published final sentence feels kind of generic. Rent it? How many times have we heard that phrase? As is, it’s sorely lacking; it feels like a millipede sans a few hundred legs.

Overall, though, I’m fairly satisfied with how this review turned out. Sure, some of my jokes fell to the slings and arrows of not-so-outrageous editing, but that’s nothing overly detrimental.

So, what do you think about my review of my review? Should I keep doing this? More importantly, will anyone even answer this question? Well, regardless, this’ll probably end up becoming a regular feature, with my commentary growing more entertaining once I find my footing in this odd, meta-review writing style.

Nintendo DS

Cooking Mama